What you'll read here is my report on the race. That means that my vision is present. I will write down the things I like; that does not necessarily mean that what I write will be in correspondence with truth or reality. Just so you know....

It all started out on a nice Friday evening. It was cold as fuck, but nice. Everybody had been invited...the whole worldwide messengercommunity...but only the Amsterdammers were there... Contrary to promises and guarantees the Velocity-crew from Arnhem, and the Tour-de-Ville-crew from Eindhoven didn't make it over, because it had rained the whole week...and apparently everybody just wanted to tuck in, or something...anyway; the lamo's couldn't get their lazy asses overhere. Others, from Rotterdam, and Den Haag, didn't have it in them either. Neither did Jacco and his roadracing-crew...(whassupwiddat Jacco?)

It has a lot to do, I guess, with the way thing are here right now, in Messengerland. There's just way too many rookies. And they don't work enough days...so they'll probably never learn. I realize this doesn't make me any new friends and all, but fuck it; truth be told. They just don't know what is up. They'll say they can't race because they need some new fucking rimtape! Really! Or...they'll be like; 'race....oh....uh, nah, man, I have to work that day, I couldn't race after that, I wouldn't be fit..."...It's fucking true...painfully so, yeah....and it's a fucking shame... There's still some guys here that are 'in the know' and are respected and loved members that make up the community downhere...but they are few...and few are added...due to economical reasoning of the owners off the companies....but they were there ofcourse. And they will all be mentioned. Yes, we are now back in the race-report again. Welcome.

I'm, not gonna bore the shit out off you with explaining how the race worked, and what the questions were, and all that...because I'd rather bore you with other things, such as my own personal opinions, or some juicy details...but you have to know that luck played a great part in this alleycat...or better yet; the lack thereof... The checkpoints were all really crappy...'what's at Hellenburg 55-57?' answer; "no entrance"...yeah...lame I know, but the point was that this would be your basic 'klote-alleycat', 'cause it just wouldn't be your lucky day and all... There were also some manned checkpoints...and I would like to thank the three guys that did a great job in standing at the redlight-district (tough job for BIKEYMIKEY, nice touch with the chips); in lounging in a comfy chair with beer and weed (BART -goodmorning) and in riding all the way over to Amsterdam-Noord and waiting there in fucking nowhere on the maanstraat, for some riders to show up...and then to ask 'em to describe the color off the moon (the ever-creative BICIOLLI in poetic-mode...---It was cool to have you around this evening!---). You guys did great, and I especially liked the live updates. Well, now I did explain it a little.

So, who won?

Well...JUR....He just did it again!!!....He came in 9th, and he was super-upset...full of anger and frustration he handed me his manifest...saying that this was the worst alleycat ever, and that I couldn't do that with the ferry and all...me mo-fo... So...what was up with all that? Well; ...they had to go to Amsterdam-Noord and the best way to get there is by ferry...you could also take the IJ-tunnel, but that is not the most relaxing way to do it with all those frustrated fucked-up cabdrivers raging out off Amsterdam, and also not the shortest...so they had to take the ferry...which was kind off funny I thought, because the alleycat was pretty short, and by the time they would arrive at the dock, the differences would not be all that big yet, and chances were then, that the fastest riders who had just done a bad-ass attempt at losing everybody, could very well end up waiting for the ferry (how unlucky) and therefor eventually be greeted by the slower riders who would then have caught back on to 'em...and well...whaddayaknow; that's just what happened to the panting, sweating and coughing thing called Jur...and he didn't take that so well...so he was, ehm, ventilating his well built-up opinion, at the finish and for a second there I though he was gonna knock my brains out or something, but he didn't and I tried to reason with him..."Fri. 13th...this is not your lucky day, Jur"...but no, it didn't work for him; "in alleycats everybody should have a fair chance"...ahem....well...we won't go into that one, eh?..he then doze off, and sat down to smoke a well-needed joint...and after some chilling came back, again...he was still upset, but less frustrated...he still thought it all sucked superhard... He won though, much to everybodies surprise, most to his own; but once again he was the only one (!!!) with all the right answers....(he's making a habit off it, I guess)...and he too had to laugh about it eventually.... So yeah, Jur won the Golden Fietsbel. Tring-tring!

FINBAR was the fastest, but but didn't have the right answers...

KAMAMAAL came in second! Had the wrong answers. But was the first fixie! (He's still running a front-brake though, but we all gave him some slack on that....it's Kamaal, you know). After two weeks now, he has finally recovered from his NYC-Philly-DC-travels, and had his first alleycat here again...Kamaal clearly is the veteran out here; he has that "seen it all; done it all; ain't nothing gonna surprise me no more, oh no"-attitude, which really becomes him well. Even crashing on the finishline because he couldn't get his foot out of his pedal, didn't surprise him at all, and all the falling was done in the superior and stylish fashion that has become so typical off Kamaal. So, not only did he win the Golden Lockring...he also won the unofficial and just-made-up Coolness Award, for rarely have I seen such superior coolness in crashing! And, yes, he will now accept all willing mama's outthere.

Third was EDDY....Who upon finishing didn't seem tired at all...and...was the first to say that this race had been fun...Yep. Well, OK. He's a positive guy...I guess. He's been around for what, 1.5 years now?...And he's is now respectfully riding the bike on which Kamaal started out, way back in the day! So, Eddy is cool. He's very much in control, he's really calm and sweet...and that voice...he is truly the Barry White of dispatchers...!

AJ came in forth. He presented us his newest anti-smokin'-druggin'-rockin' & rollin'-campaign, which Isn't that much different from the ones before, but they are getting better every race, and this one was by far the best.

Then came NICO in fifth. He's been survivaling in the south of France for a while...(yep, tough job...), and is now back in Amsterdam and will be getting some serious survival-training here as he'll be a messenger again. Nice. It's always fun to have 'the kid' around!

In 6th place; JORRIT. His first alleycat. Did really well. He enjoyed himself and will surely be back for the next one...cool. A nice touch about him, and other rookies I guess, is that they're not spoiled yet...they don't complain, they just do what they are supposed to, in their best possible way, and have a shitload off fun while they are at it! (That must also be the reason why company-owners, and dispatchers like em so much.)

Then First Female...in 7th place...the ever-smiling and always-talking SANDRAAAAA! Oh yeah! She did really well...Had fun. Gave me kisses. She rules! I should have had a price ready for best female...but I didn't....i'll make up for it somehow...

Then in 8th place. PAUL. Fixed. Well. What can I say; he ofcourse had to race in the opposite way. I had explicitly told everybody that they should stick with the given route, 'cause it was best and all..and they wouldn't gain anything by changing shit around, because of long stretches of road that had to raced, which is nicer in a pack than on your own, but no; Paul just couldn't. He may have considered doing it like everybody else, and go with the masses ...but then again; maybe he didn't at all....The first thing that he thinks when somebody tells him something is 'hmmm, how can I counter that'.... He's the impersonation of the word 'anti'.....he will always question, annoy, try, fuck up, be stubborn, and laugh...that's just him... so now he just had to do it his way too...ofcourse...for which he gets an honorable mention. And then...he gets another one; for wearing a helmet! Which in his case is a really amazing thing...see, at the company he works for they have to wear helmets...yep...and he has made a big issue out off that several times...which makes sense given the way he looks with a helmet on....but, I do believe it almost got him fired, and he just didn't care; he wouldn't bend..... he's a tough guy... So yeah, I was more than a little surprised to actually see him put the thing on his head, tighten the straps, put on the 'I am cool anyway'-look, and take all the remarks so well... I think that in his case it eventually all makes sense, though...he'll still win...it might look like he bended, but really, he didn't....he never will...

So, then in eight place....JUR, but we already covered him. Joint anyone?

In ninth place...IWAN ..well done...another first-timer, if I am correct, and he too really liked it...

And then, in tenth fucking place; KEES...fixed too...but you could tell that it had been a while since he had put his messenger-skills to use...guess trackracing makes you lazy... O, man, the stories you can tell about this guy and the way he races....Our (sorry to say it-) ex-messenger, now trackracer, roadracer, and DRO-racer, had a flat...which really sucked because the best, fastest, most-beautifull, sweetest, wonderful, most-skilled, incredible, coolest, smartest, most-creative, most-beautifull female racer ever, (who also happens to be my girlfriend) had chosen him as her guide to victory. And then Keesie-and-the-motherfucking-sunshineband fucked up...he couldn't clear the curb, snake-bit his reartire and then totally lost it...didn't know what to do....so Jetgirl13 stepped in and helped him out ofcourse, with putting on the new tube (while Kees just stood there crying for his mom) and then coached him trough the rest off the race... So, Kees didn't do so well...and that must have pissed him off, because upon finishing he gave it all he got...he stood on the pedals, made noise, looked angry, he was in full pursuit, sweat was flying though the air, he farted, he miraculously avoided the tree that was coming at him, farted again, and then took the last left turn...and just plain fucking crashed...yep...all of a sudden he was just out of sight...'huh'....we all stood there breathless...then he popped up again, and we were all greatly relieved....he waved -'I'm OK-', and we all waved back -'we are too'-. We all thought he had done it on purpose; it's Kees, you know; he's been the best racing messenger we have ever had here; he's been our hope, our pride and joy for so long. We thought he was just kidding, but later he told us, that he was expecting the left-turn to be banked, and he just steered right up in the air...and after 4/5 meters off bikeflying just couldn't hold it any longer and then eventually just had to crash it in for a landing. Well, just goes to show; true heroes are always honest! And therefor Kees is still our hero!

11th place goes to AMBER! She's happily DFL. And that just shows again how cool she really is; because she would have won, if Kees hadn't hold her up... But she would never hold that against him though, no no, she'll just smile and buy him a beer. She's an Angel on a bike. She had a good race and a lot of fun. Her priorities are no longer in winning, but still she'll be there...to help others, to hang out, to exchange recipes. She's way out there. Fast. Skilled. Superfly. The fire burns in your eyes! Dancing through the streets...I love her! How she helped out Kees; true jetgirl-power. How she deals with everything out here...man! She's truly a dragon! She'll fight, roar, stump, she'll speak in flames.. She'll never give up. She'll spare you! I am telling you; she rocks!

So, and then there was JANI...he had the fastest start by far, but was never seen or heard off again. So that was that.

And VIS is back! Hell yeah! He came off the airplane, and rode straight to Museumplein. He was there. He raced too, but he didn't have his map with, and he was way to fast for all the others...and didn't want to wait for everybody all the time, so he just quit, and got some falafel, because he was hungry! Truly cooly! Welcome back!

And that was it. We had fun. We hung out at the museumplein for a while. And later moved on to The Soundgarden. Kamaal en BiciOlli were there first. Not because they were all that fast or anything...no....it had to do with this little 3-step-staircase that we had to ride over...and..well...everybody cleared 'em easily, except for...Kees...who ofcourse tried really hard, and then snakebit his rear tire again......psssss!....phhhh....Keeheeees. O man....what a laugh.....so we stood there....waiting, while Kees flip his bike over in one well choreographed move...we see his bag on the floor....far away from his bike...his tool-poach on his shoe....we see him accept the tire that Sandra so generously gives to him...we see him fuck around with it...we see him trying to pump up his tire with his pump, which basically lets more air escape than it generates, so by then we really had a blast...then he lets Mookie-the-Mookman (wanker number one) try to pump the damned tire up...and when even he realizes he won't be able to pull it off (no pun intended) Jetgirl13 steps in again with her 'real-deal-pump-that-wheel'-powertool. And in a couple of swift moves inflates the tire to snakebit-proof-for-Kees-level. True power.

We have a semi-crazy ride over to the Soundgarden...and then spend an hour trying to secure our bikes...where Jur ends up being right again, about that fence that would crush our bikes, thank you Jur...and then we basically just try to get drunk. In which we - o glory - succeeded ofcourse. I remember though that we had a lot of nice moments of camaraderie. Paul, Kees, Kamaal, Olaf, Vis, Eddy, Amber, Tyn...we had a nice time...remeniscing...good ol' times...plans ahead....cool things to do....and just plain joking around....

Vis, Kees, and me eventually had to be kicked out...and by that time, a gorgeous-looking Anja had -Thank God- came by to pick Kees up, because he would not have made it home without female power around....we all had superbad french fries at Ma Baker's (female power again), where it is highly forbidden to lean against anything -for it might all fall down....- all talked a bit more, and then Anja got Kees to come with....

Vis and I finally remained at the end of the night....standing there together...in the middle of the night...in Amsterdam...with our bikes...and the same fucking problems...

How weird those evenings work. [tyn]